Can I sing?

When I’m dancing about the house with my headphones in doing my cleaning, washing dishes or working my way through a pile of ironing I like to sing along with the songs. For most people their voices don’t register to highly on the decibel scale, my voice however is off the charts. The volume of my voice is unbelievable and uncontrollable.

One of my favourite songs to belt out is “And I Am Telling You” by Jennifer Hudson, I get far to in to the song and convince myself that my house is a stadium. I belt out every high note I can, the issue with that is I sound like a bag of cats being strangled. It is beyond me that my neighbours have never once reported a woman being murdered, the noise that comes out of my mouth is just awful.

Will that stop me? Absolutely not! I will sing to my heart’s content, it’s the best form of stress relief I can get while simultaneously getting loads of housework done.

Can I sing? Yes, is it good? Hell no.

Why is it always ninjas?

I’m sitting in class listening to the teacher drone on about something or other, my eyes focussed on the window and as it often does for reasons unbeknown to me I start thinking about ninjas. Feel no need to adjust your specs or zoom in you read right a 25-year-old woman who daydreams about ninjas.

What would they do I hear no one ask? Well my friend first off they would break through the windows and there would be mass panic and confusion, then they would be looking for I don’t know some sort of lost artefact, or my concentration which they would not find. After that of course a ninja fight breaks out with the rival gang of ninja’s who just burst in the door, then about a 15-minute kick ass ninja fight goes on.

Meanwhile I’ve just zoned out for 20 minutes and have no idea what’s going on in class, this happens to me when I’m waiting for interviews, when I’m on the bus, sitting in the doctor’s office. I have no concentration; I’m either daydreaming away or I’m hyper focussed on something but it always seems to be the former.

Why is it always ninjas?  I don’t think there is any situation that can’t be made more interesting with ninjas thrown into the mix.

Who do you thank when you don’t believe in god?

I’ve had an anxiety disorder for over ten years now and as a result of that I go through bouts of depression where I feel so completely overwhelmed with life and I get to the stage where I feel like my life is all negatives and nothing is good.

I’m not someone who thinks that you should just forget all of the things in your life that are hard or difficult, but I do believe that the mind is a powerful thing. The reason I think this is because every time I get so low I don’t want to get out of bed, every time I feel like there’s nothing left living for, when I feel like I’m walking around with bricks in my chest I have this thing that I do.

It never fails, not once has it let me down or failed to improve how I feel if only by a little. I make a list in my head of all of the things that I’m thankful for and on the days where it doesn’t feel like much I start small.

I’m thankful that I can see, hear, smell, taste and touch and that I can use all of these senses to enjoy the world around me

I’m thankful that I can sit up, stand, walk, run, dance, shower, go to the bathroom on my own, feed myself, have sex, go to college, sing and do all of the other things I enjoy doing

I’m thankful that I have the ability to love, hate, care for others, be strong, be weak, to feel overwhelming grief as a result of overwhelming love and to be myself with myself and others

I’m thankful that I have friends and family that I love and can depend and rely on, that I can lean on them when I need to, that we can be in each other’s life and enrich those lives together

I’m thankful that I get to spend my life with my best friend and soul mate (if you believe in that sort of thing) a man who stands by me in life and never wavers in his support, love or loyalty

Ultimately the list goes on and on and I add more to it, and every time I get to the end I feel better and most of the time I feel blessed and so fortunate to have the life that I do. Acknowledging that things aren’t always and can’t always be so awful, taking a few minutes to take stock of what my life is helps me to step further away from the feelings I don’t want and helps me remember all of the feelings I enjoy.

So who do you thank for all of these amazing things when you don’t believe in God?

I’m not sure but I’m thankful all the same.