I have had an anxiety disorder for many years, and when I feel anxious the centre focus of my anxiety is around my throat and mouth, I get really freaked out that something is going to cause my airway to get blocked and I won’t be able to breathe.
This can be set of for a number of reasons, I might be hyper aware of the sensations happening in my throat or food tends to set me of a lot I have very specific rules with food. While these things make no sense I can see the logic behind the anxiety I’ve come into contact with something that my brain perceives as dangerous and I get why that would make me anxious even if it makes no sense.
The thing that gets me most annoyed is when I get anxious for no apparent reason, nothing has set me off, I’m not feeling hyper aware of my body and I absolutely have not come in to contact with any triggers.
I was walking home with my husband after a trip to the movies, it’s one of our favourite things to do, when all of a sudden I’m extremely anxious and feel like I can’t breathe. It has come out of nowhere and has me floored, I was shaky and struggling to walk, another thing that happens to me when I feel like this is I find it very difficult to speak at all.
I manage out that “I feel anxious” and that’s as far as I can get as always he asks why, he wants to understand what I’m going through and how he can help, like he does when I know what’s triggered me.
It is one of the single most frustrating things I have ever experienced, to feel so incredibly anxious and not know why, to be trapped and not know how to make it better in any way, to have to just wait it out.
I would love not to have an anxiety disorder but since that’s never going to happen I would love to be able to explain why I feel anxious and use the methods I know to work through it. I would love to be able to communicate properly when I feel like this so I can ask for what I need whether that is physical contact, to be left alone or to just have a distraction.
It’s frustrating that when my husband asks
“Why do you feel anxious?”
I can only ever reply in these instances with
“I just do.”